u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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