You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have already put on my inside pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
