so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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