did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
