im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
