i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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