hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
