i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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