i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
