she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
