I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love you. Go after that dick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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