they need to just BURY HIM!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
