he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
