Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
