Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize