i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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