Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
