Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
