Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
