life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
