Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
