Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
