I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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