why didn't you poke me back
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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