Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
