i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A+ Viking dick
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
