Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her vagine was all disorganized.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
