She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
