if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
