a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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