By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sex in a hospital.. check
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
