I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I want a musical about memes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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