I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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