how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
