I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
