Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i believe in u and ur pee
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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