what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
