i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
