Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
