lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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