Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
