So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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