Tell her she can't have a vagina
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
