I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
