i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't turn off my feet"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
