we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
