Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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