I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
