I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
