dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
