Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
