Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Text me some of your sweat
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
