How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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