Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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