I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
