he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
