I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
