If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
