obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
