I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
