3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My liver just broke up with me...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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