I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
