you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How naked do you want me to be?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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