So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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