forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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