It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
