you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
